


Dealbreaker

by leftennant



Series: Darcyland April Fools Smut Challenge Fics [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Wintershock - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Smut, Wedding Night, dlafsmutchallenge, ridiculous adjectives, troll!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:42:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10529187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leftennant/pseuds/leftennant
Summary: Darcy has a list of 'No' words, but are they really a dealbreaker or not?  Bucky decides to find out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Boom! Here's day two of the Darcyland April Fools Smut Challenge! Ridiculous Adjectives!!!! I decided to do the Wintershock thing with this one, because Bucky is nothing if not a troll. Hope you like it! Thank you, Amidtheflowers, for the beta. <3<3<3
> 
> *************************************************

The first time Bucky saw Darcy’s ‘No’ list, he was drinking a beer in her undersized kitchen. It was also the first time he’d done anything that could be categorized as social in too many years to count. Going there had been Steve’s idea. He knew Darcy from a few years back through Thor’s connection with Jane Foster. Darcy had been Jane’s intern then. She did something else now...something in connection with the Avengers that meant she had an office in the building, but not something that meant Bucky saw her on a regular basis. 

He liked her, though. Liked it when she came around, and liked the easy way she had of talking with everyone like each person meant something to her, and especially liked how she made a point of shooting a friendly smile in his direction whenever their paths crossed. Steve must have noticed this, because when Darcy mentioned some party she was giving for some holiday Bucky had never heard of, Steve accepted on both his and Bucky’s behalf.

It wasn’t a big party. Not by a longshot, but social gatherings were still a little touch and go for Bucky. Darcy must have noticed, because she took pity on him, and found him a quiet corner in the kitchen where he could nurse a beer and get his bearings. 

“You good?” she asked, after handing him a plate of food to go with his beer. “Because if not, there’s a lovely fire escape just outside my bedroom window. Overlooks one of the finest views of broken boxes and dumpsters in all of City Island. I can’t vouch for the smell, but it’s quiet, and it’s all yours if you need it.”

“Nah, I’m good,” he said. “But thanks.”

“No problem. If you need me, I’m gonna be refilling drinks. Help yourself to anything, mi casa es Bucky’s casa and all that.” And with a wink in his direction, she grabbed a pitcher sitting on the counter, and headed into the living room with her other guests.

Halfway through his third beer, Bucky was feeling more settled. Darcy checked up on him from time to time. She said she was making sure he had everything he needed, but Bucky knew it was more than that, and he appreciated it. Steve caught her doing it, and shot Bucky a knowing look from across the room which made Bucky roll his eyes. It was okay, though. All of it was. Bucky began to wonder if maybe the whole point of the party had been for him. Something Darcy and Steve cooked up, so he could test the waters of being more social in a safe environment. He considered this for a few moments, and decided that was okay too.

This didn’t change the fact that he stayed in the kitchen. The island provided a barrier between himself and the noisier, more lively side of the party, a safe space. Jane Foster must have been looking for some quiet too, because she’d wandered in a few minutes earlier, and was stationed directly to his left, sipping her own beer. 

Bucky considered making conversation. It wouldn’t be hard. There was plenty in the room to talk about, he just needed to pick something. After a few seconds, he decided on a handwritten list of words that was pinned to Darcy’s refrigerator by a handful of colorful magnets.

“What’s the ‘No’ list?” he asked Jane, gesturing at it with his beer.

She snorted. “You’ve really never heard of Darcy’s ‘No’ list? It's infamous around the tower. I thought everyone knew.”

“Can’t be that infamous if I’ve never heard of it.”

“Wow. You’re the only one, then. The list is a whole bunch of words you can’t say around Darcy. She hates these words. Like, murder level hates them. People who say them around her get fined. I think it’s up to ten dollars per word.” 

“Fifteen,” a young girl with a shaved head corrected, as she leaned across the island to grab a handful of chips. She had her nose pierced, and the darkest lipstick Bucky had ever seen. He remembered Steve saying she was some kind of mutant, but he couldn't see any obvious powers. The girl nodded at the list. “Although I think she charges more for the ones in red pen. I’m Ellie, by the way. Darcy’s cousin. And Jane forgot to tell you about the dealbreaker clause.”

“Dealbreaker clause?”

“Oh God, yeah. I forgot that. She dumped a guy for saying one of them. Which one was it, Ellie?”

“Moist,” Ellie said. “See how it’s in red? The red words are the dealbreakers.”

Bucky gave her a nod of acknowledgement, and then frowned as he read down the scrawled list of words looking for the red ones. “Moist? Really?”

“Shhhhh,” Jane hissed, waving at him to keep his voice down. “You do not want Darcy to hear you. Trust me. None of us want that.”

“It’s just a word,” he said. 

“No, it’s really not,” Ellie replied. “Fuck, what’s that one under dewy? Turgid? I don’t remember that one. Since when has turgid been on the list?”

“Since Tony decided to say it every time he’s around Darcy,” Jane told him.

Ellie made a face. “Stark says turgid? With his old guy mouth? Gross.” 

“Only around Darcy,” Jane said. “And seriously, you two need to stop saying them out loud before she hears you. Thor used virile _and_ swarthy once in the same sentence, and Darcy threatened to beat him through the subfloor with my favorite telescope.”

“God, not swarthy.” Ellie shook her head. “He was asking for it.”

“ _And_ virile,” Jane said. 

They all froze as Darcy’s voice called out from the living room, “I know I did not just hear that word come out of your mouth, Foster. Rules are rules. If I hear another one, you’ll owe me fifteen bucks, and I will be confiscating the guacamole and reevaluating our friendship.”

Jane sighed. “We were just explaining to Bucky.”

“Explaining doesn’t require saying them. That’s why I have them written down,” Darcy retorted. “They are on the ‘No’ list for a _reason_ , Jane. They’re bad words. Terrible words. Words no one should say for any reason.”

“Dealbreakers,” Ellie added. “Pass the guac before she takes it. I didn’t get any yet.”

And that was how Bucky found out about the ‘No’ list. It was also how he started opening up socially again. That one small party turned into a couple game nights, and game nights turned into date nights, and date nights turned into...well...they turned into three years of him and Darcy figuring each other out and falling in love.

This brought Bucky up to the present time, in which he had done what Ellie described as ‘putting a ring on it’, and what Bucky described as marrying the best thing that had ever happened to him. Darcy wore a blue dress, and carried pink flowers, and when he kissed her in front of God and everyone else, it was like everything he’d always wanted but never thought he’d have. The reception came next. Loud, and boisterous, and full of people, but Bucky didn’t care. He was so damn sweet on Darcy, that the entire reception was just a blur of his beautiful bride in her blue dress.

Afterwards they went back to his place, _their_ place now. They had a flight in the morning to somewhere remote with white sand beaches, but for that first night, they were together in their own home. It was as he carried her past the kitchen on the way to the bedroom that something occurred to Bucky. A thought that made him grin, and he just couldn't shake it.

Nah. He couldn’t. He _shouldn’t_. He really shouldn’t, but the more he told himself that, the harder it was to resist. See, the list was on _his_ fridge now. Big, and bold, and with even more red words than ever before. Three years and Bucky hadn’t said a single one. He wasn’t about to risk it, but now? Well, now he’d put a ring on it.

He was going to do it.

The grin kept creeping back up on his face the whole way down the hall. By the time they hit the bedroom it was a permanent fixture. He knew this would lead to trouble, but Bucky had a pretty strong feeling of how that trouble would manifest, and he was all for it. It wasn’t like the words actually upset Darcy. Bucky knew the whole story by now. It started with ‘moist’ and blew out of proportion into one of the longest running jokes in the tower. Besides, they’d only gotten married six hours earlier, and Bucky was certain there was nothing in their vows about the word moist.

Yeah. Moist was going to happen. And swarthy. Dealbreaker his ass.

He just needed to find the right moment. It was all about timing, and Bucky was nothing if not patient. So he waited. Finally he had her right where he wanted her, curled up on his chest after spending a considerable amount of time warming her up.

“ _That_ was amazing,” she said, fingers twining with his as she caught her breath.

“It was,” he agreed. “The whole day was.”

Darcy shifted so she could look up at him. “Yeah? Did you like it? I was worried that maybe the reception was kind of big.”

“Oh, were there other people there? All I saw was you, Mrs. Barnes.”

“Cheesy, Bucky. Very cheesy,” she said with a snort. “Were you really okay, though?”

“I was fine,” he replied. It was almost time. He just had to wind her up a little bit more. “The food was good. What did you think?”

“It was fantastic. Pepper is a goddess at finding caterers.”

“The cake too,” Bucky said. “Back when Steve and I were kids wedding cakes weren’t that good. Kinda dry.”

“Really? I didn’t know that. Well ours was good.”

“Yeah. It was. Very…” He paused, looking straight into her eyes, and then said, “...moist.”

Darcy’s mouth dropped open. “No,” she said. “Don’t you dare, Bucky Barnes.”

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You know what,” she replied. “You know _exactly_ what.”

“All I said was that the cake seemed nice and…” 

She clapped her hand over his mouth, muffling the word on its way out. Bucky stopped, waiting for her to move her hand. There were three false starts when she began to pull it away, only to put it right back. Finally she removed it, _slowly_ , watching him the whole time for signs of repeating the word.

He waited. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. She settled back down against his chest, still keeping an eye on him, but he could feel her muscles relaxing. One more Mississippi for good measure, and then, “..moist.”

“Goddammit, Bucky! “Three years. Three years we dated and not a single moist happens, but on our _wedding_ night, you are gonna finally bust it out?”

She was holding back a laugh, he could see it. Bucky knew it wouldn’t take much to set it loose either.

“Yes,” he said solemnly. 

“Why??? Why now?”

“I’m trying to see if these dealbreaker rumors are true,” he responded, and the first laugh broke free from his wife, who tried valiantly to disguise it as clearing her throat.

“I see. How’s that going for you?”

“Well, you haven’t kicked me out of bed yet. I’d say that’s a good sign.”

“The night is young,” she replied.

“Well then, have any requests?” Bucky asked. “Because I was gonna go with virile, but I could work a swarthy in if you want.”

Darcy rolled to the side, pulling the blankets over her face. From underneath them he could hear her giggle, “Oh my god, I want an annulment.”

He leaned over her, tugging the quilt down until she was visible again. “Can’t. We consummated things already.”

There was a beat where he could see her processing his words, and then she sat straight up in bed. “You thought about this, didn’t you? You actually _thought_ it through, and waited until after I let you get all up in my ladybits to spring this on me. I can’t believe it. You sir, are a troll. A troll in my very own bed!”

“It’s my bed actually,” Bucky said. 

“Not anymore, buddy. I totally married you. That makes everything yours mine now too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Darcy told him. “Ergo it is also my bed. Complete with troll.”

“You know what they say about trolls,” Bucky said to her.

“No, what’s that?”

“They turn into princes if you kiss them.”

“Bucky, that’s frogs. Not trolls. Frogs. Trolls live under bridges, and eat goats. Frogs get kissed by princesses.”

“Huh,” he moved closer, lips hovering over hers. “Are you sure?”

“Well…” Her gaze moved down to his lips and back up. “Maybe. I could be wrong. I’m not an expert or anything. Should we try it?”

“Can’t hurt, right?”

“Nope.” 

She kissed him then, lips moving against his as he shifted over her, framing her body in with his own. Several long moments later they pulled apart, and Darcy reached up to trace her fingers along his jaw. Bucky leaned into her touch, smiling down at her.

“Did it work?” he asked.

She shook her head slowly, smiling back. “No. You’re still a troll. Good thing I love you.”

“Even though I said moist?” Bucky replied. 

“Yes, jackass, even though you said moist.”

He nodded. “What about turgid?”

“Bucky?” she said, reaching down between them to take him in her hand.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”


End file.
